


Blue Eyes and a Failed Traineeship in Priesthood

by kiitos



Category: Thick of It (UK)
Genre: M/M, Swearing, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 04:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiitos/pseuds/kiitos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malcolm finds Jamie, an unholy alliance is formed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue Eyes and a Failed Traineeship in Priesthood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pasiphile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasiphile/gifts).



He had a fellow trainee by the collar of a cheap shirt, that’s how Malcolm remembers seeing him first. Wide-eyed and angry as he screamed blue murder in the face of some useless member of the Trainee Priests Council of Fuck-wittery and Half-Arsedness, (or at least that’s how Jamie describes it to him on the rare days that he mentions it. )

Jamie was in charge of publicity for fund raising events, that was his role on the TPCoFH, and the man currently receiving the bollocking of a life time had fucked up some dates and times and the funding for some trivial car-wash had fallen through. Jamie was the kind of man who took everything seriously however, even when he was young.

Malcolm was there because of a funeral, he was supposed to be making some arrangements but he never liked the Uncle to begin with, and anyway, a blue eyed, mad-haired priest-in-training calling some other priest-in-training a “Jesus Christing Cunt,” was much more interesting.

Jamie let the man go, apparently so fucking fed-up of his incompetence that he couldn’t be bothered to even look at him anymore. When he turned to storm away, he was faced with Malcolm and he schooled his features into something more neutral.

“Bless you, can I help you with something?”

Malcolm sneered. “Knock it off, I much prefer you as you were.”

Jamie actually seemed wrong footed for a moment before he gathered himself. “Thank fuck for that.” His whole being seemed visibly more relaxed and just like that, a plan began to form in Malcolm’s head. The press department needed people like him; even then, Malcolm knew what the party needed. The fact that he was young had never got in his way.

“Do you really want to be a priest?”  Malcolm asked of the diminutive trainee, who blinked his big blue eyes in confusion.

“What else is there to be?” He replied defensively when he had gathered his wits for the second time in the conversation, his whole posture changing.

Malcolm gave him his best ‘you’re a fucking idiot’ look. “So much more, James.” A pause for more blue eyed confusion before Malcolm explained. “I have ears you fucking idiot, I heard him call you by name.”

“But what fucking right does that give you to call me by it?” Jamie snarled, squaring up to his much skinnier opponent. His much skinnier opponent who didn’t look in the least bit threatened, just held up a hand to halt the tide of anger.

“I’m going to give you a job.” He said simply.

Jamie gawked at him, told him to fuck off and walked away, signing a very half-arsed cross somewhere in the air to the left of his chest. Malcolm tutted, shrugged and walked in the opposite direction to locate the bishop. The funeral stuff did need doing after all, thought the meeting was made infinitely better by thoughts of Jamie and his eyes and his bright future bollocking English fuckwits who thought they were in charge.

Much much later (because bishops do like to go on) Malcolm walked to his car in the early evening to find Jamie leaning against the gate of the carpark in an anorak that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a slasher movie, faded jeans and scruffy market stall trainers.

“Listen, fucker.”  He began, very quick to gain the upper hand. “Very nice of you to get the bishop to hand me your business card, he was very fucking impressed.” He paused to grin a very psychotic grin. “Especially when I told him where he could stick his fucking priesthood.”

Malcolm had to laugh. “Listen, I don’t know if we’ll ever fucking get anywhere, but I plan on fucking trying. I need people like you, who aren’t afraid of a little dirty work, you’ll be very helpful in orchestrating all my plans for world domination. We could fucking rule this country, you and me. Are you in?”

He stuck his hand out and mimicked Jamie’s smile.

“I’m fucking in.” Jamie replied and shook his hand. “What’s your name, you creepy vampiric cunt?”

“Tucker, Malcolm Tucker.”

“Jamie MacDonald.” Jamie replied, picking up his battered suitcase and following Malcolm to his car. “And don’t ever call me James again or I’ll have your balls for a game of marbles.”

Malcolm still thought of that day as one of the best of life, all of his best days involved Jamie in some way, the man was his fucking other half if you believed in all that jessie shite. It was so very unlike Jamie to blindly follow someone he knew nothing about that Malcolm had to give the whole thing some gravitas as a pretty fucking huge deal.

He decided on the spur of the moment to reward Jamie for his unfailing loyalty by sliding under the duvet and simultaneously pissing him off by waking him up and making him delirious with pleasure by waking him up with a blowjob.

Malcolm smirked as Jamie slowly woke, swearing a litany of filth under his breath…and this man was going to be a priest. 


End file.
